Ted: Ah, what a beautiful morning…

Sam: Ted! Ted! You’re here!! There’s something weird going on.

Ted: Weird? Oh come on, it’s not that weird. I was having trouble getting up in the morning, so I started sleeping in the recording studio. I’ll never be late again!

Sam: What?

Ted: Yeah, I’ve made it pretty cozy in here. I’ve got a bed, a coffee machine, and a huge supply of canned food! Probably enough to last through a nuclear war.

Brooke: Well I hope there’s enough for all of us, we might be stuck in here for a while, mate.

Ted: Huh? What are you talking about? And why is your hair so messy? Look at yourselves - your clothes are all ripped up! What have you two been doing? You look like you’ve been attacked by wild animals.

Sam: Ted, Ted… You won’t believe this, but our co-workers have got some kind of zombie virus! They chased us down the corridor! They had this dead look in their eyes and shuffled towards us moaning “Podcaaaaaaaast, podcaaaaaast.”

Ted: They probably just haven't had coffee yet. I'm always like a zombie before I have my morning coffee.

Brooke: No, it’s true! They surrounded us and almost tore us apart, but we got away and ran to the safest place we could think of, the Babbel recording studio!

Ted: Holy guacamole! You guys weren’t lying! It’s lucky we’re in here - nothing is going to get through that door. This used to be a dungeon, you know. And thanks to me, we have enough food for months.

Sam: Ted… As much as I like you and Brooke I can’t stay in the recording studio for months.

Ted: I’m offended.

Sam: Well then you should go and talk to your therapist. Anyway…

Ted: Anyway what?

Sam: I have an idea!

Ted: Oh geez.

Sam: Just listen, will you? Now, I’ve watched a lot of zombie movies in my life, and the thing is zombies are always obsessed with getting their hands on something…

Ted: Yeah, human flesh!

Sam: Yeah, that too. But our zombie co-workers outside that door keep moaning “podcaaaaaast,” which tells me that they’re big podcast fans.

Ted: … You’re telling me the zombies outside that door want to hear a podcast?

Sam: Exactly. And luckily we’re in the podcast business. Prepare the recording equipment, Brooke! Warm up your vocal chords, Ted! We can broadcast this episode live across the Babbel speaker system and confuse the undead with English trivia! 
 
Come on team, let’s make our famous last words count!

Ted: It’s time to make ONE. LAST. STAND.

Brooke: Yes!

Ted: Let’s do this.

You're listening to Sam and Ted's Famous Last Words.

Sam and Ted's Famous Last Words!

Ted: Alright, Sam. It’s up to us to end the zombie apocalypse. Which means this podcast has gotta be good. Can you think of any topics that would make their undead heads explode?

Sam: Hmmm… You know what always makes my head hurt?

Ted: Ummm… thinking?

Sam: No, tongue twisters!

Ted: Tongue twisters? You mean like “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers?” Yeah that’s difficult.

Sam: Well, how about we start with some easy ones and then move on to the harder ones.

Ted: Sounds good. So… What’s the easiest tongue twister that you know, Sam?

Sam: Probably “Red lorry, yellow lorry”?

Ted: "Red lorry, yellow lorry"? That’s super easy!

Sam: Yeah, it’s super easy if you say it once, Ted. Now try saying it over and over and over again.

Ted: Ok, and quickly, right? 

Sam: Yeah, quickly. As quickly as possible. 

Ted: Ok, red lorry, yellow lorry. Red lorry, yellow lorry. Red lorrr…yelloworlly… Redrrrr… Yerrrr. 

Sam: Seeeee! It’s not so easy. 

Ted: Ok… Alright, alright. Yeah, you know, I always heard that one as “red leather, yellow leather.”

Sam: Red leather, yellow leather? 

Ted: Right. Try that one.

Sam: OK. Yeah, I’ll try it. Red leather, yellow leather…I can’t. Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather…ehh…yeah, no, that’s very difficult. Ehhm…yeah…right. 

Brooke: The zombies are moaning! Keep going! We need more tongue twisters!

Ted: Ok Brooke, here’s one of my favorites: How can a clam cram in a clean cream can? You got it? How can a clam cram in a clean cream can? How can a claaacraminacree… How can a clam cram clacrrraa

Sam: A cream clean whadda whadda whadda? A cream clean, what? 

Ted: How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?

Sam: OK, let’s start at the beginning, Ted. What does that mean?

Ted: Ok… A clam is a… a shellfish. You know, like, where you would find a pearl. Right? 

Sam: OK. Yeah, yeah. And… ahm… what does “cram” mean? It's a verb, right?

Ted: To cram means to, like, fit into something, but tightly, to squeeze into…

Sam: Into a small space.

Ted: Right. Into a small space.

Sam: So you’re talking about… how can a shellfish squeeze itself into a small space…

Ted: Right… into a clean cream can, a… a can of cream.

Sam: That doesn’t make any sense.

Ted:  Yeah, I mean, it's a tongue twister. It doesn't really have to make sense. But it's fun anyway.

Sam: Well, they’re supposed to be funny, right? They're better if they're funny. OK. I have one. I have a tongue twister that my grandmother taught me and it does make some sense: She sells seashells on the seashore. The shells she sells are seashells, I’m sure!

Ted: Alright. 

Sam: Go on. Try it.

Ted: I’ll give it a go. She sells seashells on the seashore. The shells she sells are seashells, I’m sure!

Sam: Perfect. First time… Lucky. 

Ted: Alright… I mean, see if I say it ten times over.

Sam: Ok.

Ted: So seashells… I think we’re pretty clear on what those are, right? How about seashore?

Sam: Seashore is the beach, right? It’s next to it. You’re next to the sea. She’s standing next to the sea, selling seashells.

Ted: That does make a lot more sense than, like…

Sam: Yes, a lot more sense.

Ted: … Clam cram in a clean cream can.

Sam: Now listeners, maybe you want to try this at home as well. So, repeat this tongue twister after me: She sells seashells on the seashore. 

Ted: The shells she sells are seashells, I’m sure!

Alright, very good. I've got another one. This one is: Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.

Sam: Uhh… Sorry, stop for a second. Who are Roger and Rory - are they, like, friends of yours or something? 

Ted: No, I mean… they're just, you know… Rory is a warrior, a fighter…

Sam: Ok. Yeah, yeah.

Ted: And Roger is a worrier! 

Sam: A warrior?

Ted: A worrier.

Sam: A worrier!

Ted: He worries. He's anxious and nervous. And they were reared wrongly, or brought up by their parents…

Sam: Badly.

Ted: In a bad way, in a rural brewery.

Sam: Ok so, yeah, rural means countryside?

Ted: Right, in the countryside.

Sam: And a brewery?

Ted: Where you make beer.

Sam: Ok, so… Roger and Rory were brought up badly by their parents in a countryside beer factory.

Ted: Right, exactly.

Ted: Yeah, so you want to give that one a go?

Sam: That explains a lot.  

Sam: Sure, Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery brewrrry.

Ted: Pretty good until the end there! Alright… So, listeners. Try saying this again: Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.

And finally, my favourite: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Sam: Yes, I know that one. That's one of my favorites as well. Couple of questions though… a woodchuck is a little furry animal, right? 

Ted: Right. Yeah, another name for it is a groundhog. Maybe you heard of the movie Groundhog's Day.

Sam: Sure, yeah. And what is "chuck?"

Ted: To chuck means to throw… to throw. So, how much wood would a groundhog throw if a groundhog could throw wood?

Sam: Great question. Yeah. Ok.

Ted: But it's more fun to say "how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

Sam: Do you know what? I always thought it was "chop." I thought it was "how much wood would a woodchuck chop… wood chopping."  

Ted: I mean, that also makes sense, I guess.

Sam: Let me give it a go: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck… Uhmm, let's try again. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck… I can't say it. Ha ha ha ha! One more time. How much wood would a woodchuck chop… No!

Ted: Chuck! Alright, listeners, your turn. Give it a go: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Brooke: Sam, Ted! The bookshelves. Look, they’re moving! It’s a secret door!

Ted: I had no idea that there was a secret door in the sound studio! And who or what is that?!

Ellen: Hey hey!

Brooke: It’s another zombie!

Sam: No it’s not, silly. That’s Ellen Juckström - she’s a colleague of ours from Sweden.

Ted: I thought she worked in the New York office!

Ellen: Hey, people! Yeah, I do actually work in New York, but I just came here through the tunnel.

Brooke, Sam & Ted: Tunnel????!!!!

Ted: What tunnel?

Ellen: Yeah, you know - the top secret tunnel that connects the Berlin and New York offices.

Ted: Awesome! Then we can escape to New York through the tunnel!

Ellen: Yeah, you know, I’m sorry guys, the American border control is kind of strict. So, I don't think they'll let you in…

Sam: True and we don’t even have our passports with us.

Ted: Darn. That’s too bad!

Sam: Well it’s nice to see you, Ellen. Even if we are being attacked by zombies. Tell me, are there zombies in Sweden?

Ellen: Ah… No, I don't think so, but we do have trolls.

Ted: Trolls! They’re big and ugly and eat babies, right?

Ellen: No, I think they’re pretty cute.

Sam: Hey Ellen, you know I was doing a bit of research some time ago and I found out that English and Swedish are quite similar languages.

Ellen: Yeah, they are actually. They belong to the same language family and they have a lot of history that they share. And a lot of vocabulary is the same.

Sam: Like what?

Ellen: If you say "house" in English, that's "hus" in Swedish. If you say "mouse" in English, that's "mus" in Swedish.

Sam: Mouse is "moose?"

Ellen: Mouse is "mus."

Ted: That's confusing. 

Sam: Yeah… False friends.

Ellen: So, yeah moose is "älg" so that has nothing to do with mice. A lot of words you can maybe guess what they mean just by changing the vowel a little bit.

Sam: Mmm hmm. Nice. Hey Ellen, did you ever hear of Old Norse?

Ted: Is that a Swedish dance?

Sam: Be quiet, Ted.

Ellen: Yeah, sure I heard of Old Norse! In fact, did you know that in the 11th century, Old Norse was the most widely-spoken European language?

Ted: Really?

Sam: Yes. Ellen’s right! Old Norse, which is a North Germanic language, was originally spoken among the people who lived on the Scandinavian peninsula and in Denmark from the 9th century until the 13th century. But because they raided and settled all over northern Europe, the Norse language spread as far as Britain, Ireland, France, and the huge Slavic-Finnic region of Kievan Rus’!

Ted: So if everyone in Scandinavia once spoke Old Norse, does...does that mean that everyone there still understands each other?

Ellen: Yeah, they do to some extent, at least. I can speak Swedish to people from Denmark and Norway and they will understand me, at least sometimes. 

Ted: Alright. And so does it go the other way as well? For example, if a Norwegian person spoke Norwegian to you, you would understand them?

Ellen: Yeah, yeah. I think so. Norwegians are actually the ones who are the best at understanding the others.

Sam: Is that because Norwegian and Danish, when they're written down, look very similar? Right?

Ellen: Yeah, they do. They're...I mean, I can barely tell them apart when they're written down, but when they're spoken they're very different.

Sam: Yeah, the big problem is the Danish accent is very difficult.

Ted: Right. And they only, like, say half of the letters that they write down, right?

Sam: That's right.

Ted: They swallow everything

Sam: All the consonants… yeah… they're… they're… they're dropping off all over the place. And… I really like the Danish accent. When Danish people speak English, they sound like the come from the North of England. They sound like they're speaking in a Geordie accent. And that's because a lot of Danes settled on the eastern coast of England. And Newcastle is where Geordie is spoken.

Ted: All these connections. 

Sam: Yes, indeed. I mean, that's how language works, right?

Ellen: Yeah. Exactly.

Sam: Well, I was doing a bit of research online. And I found a dictionary of Old Norse. And it's quite interesting...what I found out. Did you know, for example, that they had six different words for “brave”?

Ted: Wow.

Sam: I'm going to try and say them now, and Ellen, maybe will be able to correct my pronunciation. So, six words for brave were bitr, frœkn, góðr, hraustr… hraustr… is that how you say it?

Ellen: Hraustr… but again my Old Norse is a bit rusty. 

Ted: Haven't spoken in a few thousand years.

Ellen: Exactly. It's been a while!

Sam: Ok. Maybe you can say these words Ellen!

Ellen: I can try! So actually, what I'm trying to do now is Icelandic because on Iceland people can actually read old… old viking scripts and so on because they were isolated for a long time and they didn't have that much influx from other languages.

Sam: So Icelandic has changed the least of the Scandinavian languages. Yeah… do you want to read those?

Ellen: I can try! 

Sam: Go for it! 

Ellen: If there are any Icelandic people listening: I'm very sorry! 
Bitr, frœkn, góðr, hraustr, snjallr, vaskr…

Ellen: Maybe!

Sam: That was beautiful. That was great!

Ted: Very nice!

Sam: The Old Norse men and women also had six synonyms for “courage,” and seven for "desire." 

Ted: Oh la la!

Sam: There were seven verbs for “to go,” five words for “help” as a noun and another four for “help” as a verb. And it turns out there were seven Old Norse words for “sea.” 

Ted: Like, "see" with your eyeballs?

Sam: No. Like "sea" as in "the seven seas." You know, the water. Big bodies of water, you know. They spent a lot of time on it, I think. And then, there were a ton of words for “kings.” 

Ted: But… no words for “queen”?

Sam: No, none… None recorded anyway. And lastly there are nine different words for “man” and also for “battle!”

Ted: WAAARRRRR!

Sam: What was that?

Ted: That was my battle cry!

Sam: Ah-ha! Very good, very good. Very viking!

Ted: But what does this all mean, Sam?

Sam: Well, my guess is that the Norsemen really liked going to war and they really liked going sailing. They valued bravery, often needed help and, unlike modern Swedes, didn’t have many female leaders. So, this dictionary, and word lists like this, probably come from ancient Old Norse poems. And these poems tell mostly battle stories, so… you know… there might be a bit of a bias towards certain types of language. 

Ted: Right. Sure, that makes sense.

Ellen: They probably had lots of words for love and stuff too, but maybe they weren't recorded in the sources.

Ted: Right, exactly. Anyway Ellen, what’s ehh...what's your favorite Swedish word?

Ellen: Oh… uhhh… I… I… I think my cutest Swedish word is probably "morrhår," which means whiskers.

Sam: Whiskers? As in a cat's whisker? 

Ted: Could you say that again?

Ellen: Yeah! 

Ellen, Sam & Ted: Morrhår!

Ellen: It means "growl hair," literally.

Ted: Ok. Nice!

Sam: That is very, very cute.

Ted: I like that!

Sam: My favourite Swedish word is "sko…," I can't even say it… "skogstokig." Is that how you say it?

Ellen: Skogstokig?!

Sam: Skogstokig! Which sounds a bit Scottish when you say it like that. And it means “forest crazy.” Like, really super angry.

Ted: I don't really get anger when I think of forests, you know, for me the forest is, like, peaceful, and you know -

Sam: Yeah, no… I think it means, like, when you get really crazy and you have to go out into the forest and, like, get your craziness out. I don't know… I mean… what do you think, Ellen?

Ted: Ah, ok… So, so you're no longer a danger to anybody else?

Sam: You just go out into the forest and scream and howl.

Ellen: Yeah! Either that or you come from the forest, like you're wild…

Ted: Oh! Like you're a feral person.

Sam: Yeah, yeah.

Ted: Alright! Hey…uh…Ellen, are there any famous dead Swedes?

Ellen: You mean, as in famous Swedish people who are now dead?

Ted: Yeah. Exactly

Ellen: Yeah, tons. Why do you ask?

Ted: Well because, as you know, this show is called Famous Last Words, and we thought the very last part of the show should be about people’s famous last words – you know, the very last things famous people said before they died.

Ellen: Right.

Sam: Which, if you think about it, is even more fitting, seeing as we’re making this episode for all of our undead zombie co-workers out there in the corridor.

Zombies: Grrrr… Uuhhhh… Poooodcaaaaast!

Ellen: Yeah, alright… yeah, uhm… yeah, I'm sure I can think of some. Uh… Do you guys know who Alfred Nobel was?

Ted: Yeah! Of course! He invented dynamite. 

Ellen: Yeah, he did!

Sam: Did he?

Ted: Yeah! He sure did! The Nobel Prize is the money from the dynamite that he made… the Nobel Peace Prize.

Ellen: It is. It is his way of trying to make it right, what he had done wrong by inventing the dynamite.

Ted: Oh, right. 

Sam: I thought… I thought… uhm… the Chinese invented dynamite.

Ted: They invented fireworks.

Sam: Gunpowder. 

Ted: Maybe. 

Ellen: I mean, I think Alfred Nobel had lots of different patents for different types of dynamite, or something like that. But anyway… by the end of his life he lived in Italy and he spoke a lot of languages. He spoke English and Russian and whatnot. But three days before he died he got a stroke and he could only speak Swedish, which was his first language. So he tried to tell the people working for him that he wanted to send a message to Sweden that he might be dying or that he wasn't feeling well. And the only word that they could understand from that was "telegram," which was the same in a lot of languages. So that's his recorded last word.

Sam: Telegram?

Ellen: Yeah. 

Sam: Just telegram?

Ellen: Just telegram. He probably said a lot of things but the Italians working for him didn't understand.

Sam: Oh my goodness. 

Ted: That's unfortunate. I hope my last words are not "telegram."

Ellen: No. Yeah, it's a bit sad. But then he went on to found this prize and it's doing a lot of good in the world after his death.

Sam: Thank you, Mr. Nobel, for dynamite and Nobel Peace Prize.

Ellen: Yeah, mostly for that.

Ted: Ok.

Sam: Mixed blessings, we call that in English.

Ted: Alright! I did not know that about Mr. Nobel. Uhm..but again, speaking of famous last words, I have been doing some research of my own, and I made a list of the things that some famous people said before they died. I thought that we could do a quiz! 

Sam: Did you?

Ted: Yeah! 

Ellen: Yeah! Let's do it! 

Ted: So, this is the way it will work: I will read the quote and then the first person to buzz in, using our handy buzzer here… ehhm… with the correct answer, gets twenty points… twenty points! But if you need a clue first, then you only get one point. 

Brooke, can you keep score for us?

Brooke: No way, Mate. I don’t have a pen on me.

Ted: Ugh. I guess I have to do everything around here by myself.

Sam: Oh Ted, just get on with it!

Ted: Alright, here we go. The Famous Last Words Famous Last Words Quiz. 

First quote: Who said: "Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow?"

Sam: Ehm… was it David Bowie?

Ted: EH Oh! No! It was not David Bowie.

Ellen: Was it Abraham Lincoln?

Ted: No. It was not Abraham Lincoln. Do you guys need a… need a hint?

Ellen: Yeah, please!

Sam: Yeah, come on!

Ted: Your hint is: big apple boss!

Ellen: Ahh… Steve Jobs!

Ted: That was Steve Jobs!

Sam: Ooohhh… Really?

Ted: Steve Jobs said "Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow" and then died.

Alright, next one. Here we go! And I'll say it in the accent of this person: "Good dog!"

Sam: Dracula!

Ted: Ha ha ha!

Sam: Was that not Dracula's accent you were doing there?

Ted: I mean, that was some kind of Slavic accent, right?

Ellen: I need a hint.

Ted: Hint is: Bolshevik leader.

Ellen: Lenin!

Ted: Yeah! Vladimir Lenin. Ok: "I'm sorry sir. I didn't do it on purpose."

Ellen: Ah… I'm going to guess… ah… Marie Antoinette. 

Ted: Yeah!

Sam: Ooohh! Well done! How did you know that?!

Ellen: I heard somewhere that she stepped on the foot of the person… the executioner… what is the fancy word for that?

Ted: Executioner!

Ellen: Oh, ok!

Ted: Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what happened. And she was a lady all the way to the end and apologized even though he was about to cut her head off.

Ellen: Yeah.

Sam: Wow.

Ted: Alright! Very good! The next one: "I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have."

Sam: This must be a famous writer or… artist… or composer or something?

Ted: Yes. Artist.

Sam: Uh huh. Artist. So an art… uhm… give us a clue.

Ted: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Sam: Leonardo da Vinci!

Ted: Yes! It was Leonardo da Vinci. The next one. This one's real… real nice, eerie: "I must go in, for the fog is rising."

Sam: Can we have a clue? I don't think I know it, do you?

Ted: You can have a clue. She was an American poet and spent most of her life in her room.

Sam: Emily Dickinson!

Ted: Yes! That is right. Emily Dickinson had some pretty… uhh -

Ellen: I think those were the best last words. I think it sounds like the most peaceful death.

Ted: The fog is rising?

Ellen: Yeah!

Ted: That sounds creepy to me.

Sam: It's like you're being wrapped in fog and oblivion. 

Ellen: Yeah. That sounds nice.

Sam: Yeah, ok.

Ted: To each their own.

Alright! Next one: "Leave me alone. I'm fine."

Ellen: Marilyn Monroe.

Ted: No. It was not Marilyn Monroe.

Sam: Axel Rose from Guns and Roses! 

Ted: He's still alive! Isn't he?

Sam: Oh is he?! Oh, oh, oh, oh… Kurt Cobain from Nirvana!

Ted: Not Kurt Cobain from Nirvana either. I will give you a hint: His nickname was the Walrus of Love!

Ellen: I think the Walrus of Love sounds like Meatloaf, but is he dead?

Sam: Noooo! It's not Meatloaf!

Ted: It's not Meatloaf.

Sam: No, it's not… eh… what's his name… oohh… not Lionel Richie… ehm… oh… I forgot his name.

Ellen: Describe him to me and I can get the point.

Sam: Barry White! It's Barry White!

Ted: Ding ding ding! Barry White! Said "Leave me alone. I'm fine."

Ellen: Is he the Walrus of Love?

Sam: He is.

Ted: He's the Walrus of Love.

Ellen: I think Meatloaf deserves the title.

Ted: Is Meatloaf dead though?

Ellen: No, I don' think so…

Sam: He wasn't that big, Meatloaf…

Ellen: But he was kind of walrus-y…

Ted: Yeah… The next one: "I love you very much, my dear beaver!"

Sam: Is it someone from Wisconsin?!

Ted: Sam! It's badgers! Badgers are not beavers! You're always talking about beaver hats and beaver this and beaver that. It's badgers!

Sam: So it wasn't someone from Wisconsin?

Ted: No! 

Sam: Give us a clue, would you?

Ted: Yes. The clue is French existentialist.

Sam: I know! Was it Sartre? Was it Jean-Paul Sarte?

Ted: Yes. It was.